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I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
