One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
