Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
