Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
