she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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