THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
