i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
