Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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