I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
