I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
