I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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