so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
