i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
