Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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