Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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