hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
