I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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