I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
