Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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