well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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