I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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