it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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