I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We were destined to go to rehab together
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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