Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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