there's paper in my vomit.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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