Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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