So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
