And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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