I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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