there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
