Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
