I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
