she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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