I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
