We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize