btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
