I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
