So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
