I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
