I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
