After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize