So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He better not be in your backpack
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
