Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
