hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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