I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
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