pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
