i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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