Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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