Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
