mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
