I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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