I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
