So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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