I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
