I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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