Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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