"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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