somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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