I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
