An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize