We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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