You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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