we're chasing vodka with high fives
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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