I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
