first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm jealous of your bromance
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
