i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sarcasm needs its own font
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
