thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
