If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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