my phone needs a breathalizer
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Randomize
