Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
