I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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