what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
