getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
