You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
