you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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