dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
