I think my fart just growled at me.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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