you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
